Wednesday, February 20, 2008

IN TODAY'S FAST PACED CULTURE OF INSTANT COMMUNICATION, IT SEEMS THAT YOUNG SINGLES ARE FINDING IT HARDER THAN EVER TO MAKE A CONNECTION.

And with text messaging and e-mail becoming the primary source of communication for so many young adults, it's apparent that the old ways of dating and romance are quickly on their way out, being replaced by "hanging out" or "hooking up."

Bronx resident Heather , 20, said it's commonplace today for people to turn to technology to get dates.

"Hardly anyone goes out on dates anymore," she said. "It's always just, 'Do you want to come over and watch a movie?'"

She knows all too well the trends appearing in the dating scene from first-hand experience, as she's been asked out several times via text message.

"People say that technology is the key to communication, but in dating it's definitely a barrier," she said.

Burton isn't the only one feeling that technology has created some major roadblocks when it comes to finding people who are looking for the same things in a relationship.
Grantsville resident Scott Johnson, 25, said dating has gotten a lot harder in the last couple of years with the online dating and text messaging craze.

"It seems like it's a different generation and it's getting harder to date," he said. "It seems everyone is moving away from one-on-one conversations and being personal."
Even when a text message or online invitation results in an actual planned date, it can often end up being played down to just hanging out.

"People don't want to put the time and effort into dating anymore," Johnson said.

"It's just a casual thing. I also think some people just don't want that responsibility or commitment."

Singles also commented that asking people to "hang out" in lieu of going on a date decreases the risk of being turned down by someone they're interested in.

"I think people feel like it's easier to hang out because then if you get rejected, you feel like it was at a friendship level instead of being rejected at that relationship level," Burton said.

Although Burton said guys think they are more at risk when it comes to the rejection factor, it takes a little bravery on both sides to just tell the truth.

"As much guts as it takes for a guy to ask a girl out on a date, it takes just as much courage to say no if I don't really want to go," she said.

Brian Jackson, 21, is an Erda resident who said opting out of traditional dating happens just because of the fact that it's so much easier. He said he also dislikes that physical affection seems to be taking place more just between friends with no commitment or romantic feelings for one another.

"It almost seems to me that physical affection has been cheapened," he said. "I always thought that if you kissed someone, that meant that you had feelings for one another, but it seems like that's not necessarily true anymore."

The whole process seems to kick romance out the back door and leaves plenty of room for misinterpretation on all sides.

"People are afraid to be honest and it just leads to more confusion," Burton said. "I just don't know why people are so afraid to tell people what they want and what they feel."

That big break in communication isn't the only thing standing in the way of young singles finding meaningful relationships. Many said it's hard to find the time since they are trying to succeed in school or a career.

"People are always on the go," Johnson said.

Dealing with the circumstances of the single life can be frustrating at times, but some say they wouldn't have it any other way.

"I love having the opportunity to date because it gives me time to discover the qualities that I want for a future relationship," Johnson said. "My purpose of dating is eventually to find someone that I can spend the rest of my life with, and I don't want to rush into anything."

Monday, February 4, 2008

(37) WHY HE DUMPED YOU

12 WAYS TO GET BACK ON TRACK

There's probably not a woman living who hasn’t been left by some louse she once loved. And usually, without explanation or proper closure.

Void of needed answers, she questions herself.

"Was I pretty enough?"

"Thin enough?"

"Good enough?"

Crushed from the experience, she typically becomes bitter, guarded, less confident, and less trusting in her next dating encounter. This, ironically, makes the search for Mr. Right even longer and laced with disappointment.

What many sisters would be surprised to discover, is very seldom are they at fault for a lover’s exit. Men don’t always make decisions based on logic or even emotions. As attested to in
Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus, they don’t think like we do.

In the spirit of enlightenment, I interviewed some bachelors who have dumped love interests for reasons as flimsy as cheap lingerie.

Here's What They Said And What You Need to Know:
Richard (age 45) Writer"She was getting too close. She actually made me consider giving up my freedom--- settle down. I got scared so I just stopped calling."

Melvin (38) Salesman"The timing was off. I met her when I was on the rebound. She was real sweet and treated me well. But, when my former lady decided to make up with me, I realized I wasn’t over her, and jumped at the opportunity."

Lamar (29) Musician"Our religious differences were just too vast. She was into pleasing God more than pleasing me."

Ken (50) Educator"Her public displays of affection turned me off and made me uncomfortable."

Daryl (59) Arts Activist"I like variety, I wanted to sleep around."

Lonny (25) Executive"I woke up one morning and my spirit moved me in a different direction."

Breaking up is hard to do, particularly when it makes no sense, or comes unexpectedly. But that doesn’t mean you should go around with a bowed head and broken spirit!

According to the best-selling book,
Smart Women, Foolish Choices written by Dr. Cowan and Dr. Kinder, “A woman must never give a man the power to determine how she feels about herself. No person should have that sort of power. Not under any circumstance. And yet we have seen scores of women left feeling worthless because a man has rejected them.”

So if you’re tired of being in pain and giving up your power,here's how to get back on track!
1. Love Yourself FirstI know it sounds a little cliché, but it’s true. Self-esteem serves as a buffer for the many harsh blows of life and love. If you see yourself as a loving, beautiful, deserving woman, ultimately the mate you attract will share this view as well.

2. Resist Becoming a "Fatal Attraction"Breaking his car windows, burning his clothes, or calling his job, may appear to even the score, but actually you'll lose. Namely your dignity, power, and sense of peace. Exit like a lady. You’ll stay on his mind longer.

3. Realize That Rejection is More About His Issues and Less About Yours.What do his past relationships say about the type of man he is? For example, If you’ve dated a middle-aged man who’s never been married before, chances are he may have some commitment phobias.

4. Have Selective MemoryChoose to remember the good times.

5. Recognize That Healing is a Process and it Takes TimeFor every individual the time for grieving varies.

6. Seek SupportThis is when you need to surround yourself with friends and positive people. Talk and take pointers from those who‘ve “been there”.

7. Get a Life!Indulge in neglected hobbies that you once enjoyed before he took up your time. Travel, pamper yourself, expand your horizons.

8. Lighten UpDon’t blame or berate yourself. Try to see the humor in some aspect of your situation. Keep in mind that it could be worse.

9. Learn The Lesson! Behind every hurtful event, there’s usually a valuable lesson. My last break up taught me to have fewer expectations, not to settle for less than I deserve, and never be involved with someone who doesn’t value what I “uniquely” have to offer.

10. Hold Onto Christ in Your Crisis!

11. Remember That "The Best Revenge is a Good Life"

12. Keep Your Spirits and Your Appearance Up

Mr. Right could be right around the corner…